I don't know....

Amanda, I love you.  It just that simple.

Our conversation was not the best we have ever had, I know.  And I am sorry.

I didn't mean to make you feel that way.

Sometimes, you think you have everything figured out, then reality knocks on your door and slaps you in the face to make you realize you dont know shit.  This was one of those instances.

I know you will try to at least go where I go, where ever that may be, but I know you wont be happy with that.  You want to do what you want to do and there is no reason on this earth that you shouldnt.  That includes me.  Dont just do something because of me.

You may think of me as selfish by saying that I woulnt do the same for you, but deep down, you must know that I will do whatever will make you happy.

BTW, TO ANYONE READING, IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW, I AM REFERRING TO THE IDEA I HAD THAT I WOULD GO TO GRAD SCHOOL TO EARN A DEGREE SO THAT I CAN GET INTO THE GAMING INDUSTRY AND DEVELOP GAMES.....THERE NOW YOU KNOW, IF YOU DIDNT.

Im not gonna go off and do computer design stuff and just leave you sitting there, feelings hurt, feeling absolutely alone without me there by your side.  I cant do that.  No matter how much I want to develop video games.

I love you too damn much.  We are far to involved for that.

I have wanted to do something with gaming since i was 4 or 5 years old.  That is what truly makes this a quandary, a really tough decision.  I would love to go off somewhere and work for a development house and make the next big advancement in gaming history.  But not if that means leaving you by the wayside.  I just cant....

Ill re-examine my choices and find something I can do to make it all better, so that we can make it, together..........thats really all I want.........at least, thats what my heart is telling me........

with much love for amanda.........

steven

...........

whatever.......

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yeah........so what........

It's Been Awhile

yeah, yeah, yeah.......cool

so whats up now, not much....im bored.......but thats the norm

lately, ive been, um, good.......yeah thats the word

tomorrow i am going to find amanda in jonesboro......like waldo....anyway..did i mention IM BORED

its 12 midnight (should be 11, damn that DST) and here I am, typing more stuff on the interent, fascinating really

I watched the first half of Shogun today, its pretty good, very faithful to the book.  Toshiro Mifune is one wacky wonton (thats the same thing a a crazy cracker, except instead of a white dude, its an asian dude).  But yeah, its pretty good, but then again, none of my loyal readers like Japanese films.........

I called that Henson fella today, he wasn't in, as usual, and I only have a few weeks to get my money before those damned books are "closed" again, whatever the hell that has to do with me getting my money.  I need a new caseworker-guy.  Shit, I still owe 1500 dollars, and theyre charging me more and more because i havent paid......i hope that isnt screwing up my credit.  I need to get a credit report now that i think of it.......a free one at free credit report dot com......betcha it aint really free.....oh well

No word yet on the RA position, other than that theyre gonna start looking into it this week.  Pray for me or someting....it might help

They finally turned the AC on up here, but its smells like old car oil with a dash of fermented squid guts, garnished with a thousand year old egg and a nice sun-baked road kill smoothie, yum scrumptuous.

Chad has problems.........God, Chad has problems........I've got an idea, though.......hush, hush

Amanda, oh how I love thee, as always we are together, never will we apart, be that the very footfalls of God tear the earth asunder.  I cannot but wonder, whither would I go, should our hearts wander, but lo!, on the distant horizon, a flower, nay!, not just any flower, but a Daisy I see, tender virginate, like a newborn child, lithe as a wand of willow, strengthened by the churning of Earth's fiery wrath upon the very ground on which grow her children.  This Daisy, my darling, enlightens mine eyes, embues them with such sight as to see my worries unfounded.  For through it all, we shall remain as one, in one, for one, forever into Infinity.

hm, yep..........

i got problems too

im gone...

Oi Vay! What a Jewish Day!

Its curious how a feeling of utter confidence and total control can so quickly be uprooted by a simple packet of papers.  As I sit here and eat my canned chicken, my thoughts drift back to my current dilemma: what to do, what to do, what to do.  Oh, what woe is me.  All I want is to remain here, in wonderful Arkansas Hall, for at least one more year.  But no!  The Powers that Be have spoken--Arkansas Hall, as well as University and Kays Halls, are to be freshmen-only dorms next semester.  To be frank, this sucks ass.

I do not like the living arrangements for next semester.  So what I'm an upperclassman.  I want a private room, but they have completely done away with that idea, for everyone.  All upperclassmen wishing to stay on campus next semester must stay in the new dorm.  The shiny, squeaky newness of the place would be quite nice, but I do not like the idea of living in close quarters with people I do not know.  I have too many precious things in my possession to allow them to be whored out to three people who I will eventually come to hate more and more as time passes.

So I am going to be a Resident Adviser, hopefully.  That is the only way upperclassmen will be able to stay in the old dorms.  If that is what it takes, I am more than willing to do it.  I must contact Barnaby, and soon, so as to find out if he will be needing further assistance here next semester.  I wish I knew him better.  Kay Sirrah Sirrah.  Wait, is that how that is spelled...

Anyway, if I get the position, I will be as happy as a clam with a big, shiny pearl in its mouth...hm, strange comment...

Dammit, I smell burnt eggs.....might be my garbage....garbage does stink sometimes.  I need to take it out.

Amanda said she thinks it might be fun to be an RA, I think so too.  For starters, I get a wholly private room.  I also get a nice big full-size bed (maybe a queen, idk).Then I'm gonna buy a couch.  I also get paid, and thats always good.  Granted, I also have to do the little posterboard thingys, but I have Amanda to help with that.  She's good at that kinda thing...I am not.

Well, I must get back to studying Homer and other such Greek things.  I'm off.

Oh, and I'd like to send a showtout to my future baby mama Amanda from lil-K-town in da A-R, my hommie Katherine Skipper (yeah, das u) and da EPC crew, chill har, chill har, and all my niggaz in tha J-Area keepin it reel, thas fo sho...Peace out, j-town down, WHAT!!!

Octo-Campeste out, love you Amanda

So enters the Octo-Campeste...

Oh, wow, look at this.  It's my first post.  I already feel that my humour is lost.

Please note that any mispelling of words is intentional.  I also have a tendency to spell certain words in Britain-English.  So what?

I had one of these things on livejournal.com.  That was way back in high school, when I was subjected to the incessant barbarianism of the power-inebriated autonomotrons that were the faculty and staff (yes, Ms.Cafeteria-Lady Bitch, I still hate you, and, yes, I did steal all of your barbeque sauce, haha, fucker!!).  I suppose I shall use this in a similar fashion to the one on livejournal, this will be my "Bitching-Place."  I'll just bitch and gripe and curse about anything I fucking want.  Praise the First fucking Amendment!

How do you want me to talk, honestly?  Picture this:

Izekial:  Gosh durn Billy, those toad-kissin parents of yours are mad as hornets over your big brother's girly magazine

Billy:  Dangit, I wish there was someway for me to see that book, I never seen a lady's under stuff before.

Izekial:  Me neither.

That scene sucks.  It need flavor, action, robusto, magnetism, dirty words.  Thy this one on for size:

Izekial:  Fuck, Billy, them damn butt-fuckin parents of yours pissed off at your brother for jackin-off at that Pent-Bunny Magazine.

Billy: Damn it, I wish there was some fuckin way for me to get my hand on that damn book.  I've never used a porno mag before, not to pet the purple mushroom, if you know what I mean.

Izekial:  Hell yeah, man.  I'm getting sick of whackin off in your mothers panty drawer everynight.  I wanna see some ass and titties!!

Now that its established that the use of curse words makes speech far more interesting......fuck, shit, ass, bitch, cunt, dick, pussy, cock, Christopher Reeves...........and the list goes on.

There just words afterall, gutteral sounds that simply air moving out of your throat over flaps of skin that vibrate to changing pitches to produce sounds that are broken down to understanding by the inner-workings of your ear................its just moving air, youre not going to Hell for moving air out of your lungs.

I dont know what Ill be talking about on this thing, sex, drugs, lies, video tapes........hell, maybe even religion, if I feel like ranting...

Well, I had a pretty good weekend, really good actually, but I dont feel like telling anyone about it all, so I will just skip str8 to the end.  When I came back to Jonesboro, I had clean clothes, some old records, sore muscles, two hickeys, and nothing to smoke.........Love ya Babe!!!